I was having a very nice Mother’s Day, feeling the love, so proud of myself since this is the first Mother’s Day I have experienced since my 19-year-old son moved out. I didn’t cry because he wasn’t here for Mother’s Day dinner. I accepted that he would need to spend time with his girlfriends mother. He did spend time with me, even came by the house twice on Mother’s Day. Yes I was proud and happy, he didn’t forget me once I stopped doing his laundry. My baby boy still loves his Mommy.
Last night he came by with his girlfriend and in the middle of a conversation he says “Mom, I have exciting news. I am going to marry this woman.” STOP………PUT THE BRAKES ON…….YOU ARE GOING TO WHAT? No I didn’t say that, I smiled, reminded myself that this is part of life, he is my first-born, of course this was going to happen. I expected I would have no clue how to handle this. I smiled bigger and said “really?” I guess that wasn’t the response he was expecting because he gave me this look of “are you still breathing mom?” NO SON, my breathing stopped about 30 seconds ago.
So then he has a few other nuggets of information that he dropped on me, which I will not even discuss. I will say he still has a talent of making sure he has worse news to share while sharing “his” good news. It did make the fact that my baby wants to get married easier to deal with by the time he was finished with all of his “gossip”. But after he left I went to my bedroom and cried. My baby boy is a man now, he is asking this woman to be a part of his life forever and I will now just be his mom who USE to do his laundry, cook his meals, talk to him about issues in his life, comfort him, get him up in the morning. My job is finished now. She will be doing all of those things for him that I once took pride in and enjoyed. Seriously there is no job security in motherhood.
So for this Mother’s Day, I learn that it was time to let go. I have to accept the fact that he wasn’t coming back to me so he could be my baby boy. Instead he is walking towards becoming a husband. UGH……..where did the years go? I am proud of him, he is doing this properly. He is using his head, unless you want to consider he is only 19, but he isn’t rushing the actual marriage. As long as they are happy with each other, then I am happy……….or will be happy eventually. NO I don’t plan on making my angst part of their lives, but I am not going to lie and say I am jumping up and down with joy right now. I don’t think I have fully recovered yet from his high school graduation. which I might add was around Mother’s Day two years ago. No wedding date has been set, no official engagement has been made, this goes to show my son does know me well. He is giving me time to absorb this and accept it before it all becomes official.
He always said I was like a wild bird, you have to slowly sprinkle bird seed in a trail to get me where I need to be. I love him. I hope he realizes he will always be my baby boy. What I have realized is I need to be bubble wrap myself on Mother’s Day with this kid. Seems every gift he gives me comes with another pair of scissors that is snipping away at my emotional umbilical cord. So with this acceptance I will now learn to transition myself from Mom to friend with my son. Ready or not, the time has come.