I am a firm believer that God will continue the give me the same lessons till I finally learn from them. This last weeks lesson is that I need to pray more, trust is a must and I have to keep my head where my hands are. What do I mean by that? I have to stop looking into the future, preparing for the worst and use that energy to focus on what I am doing right then and trust that what ever comes in the future I will be able to handle it.
My girls left for camp on Wednesday. For the first time in 20 years, I had no children in the house for an extended period of time. My husband and I were going to live it up as a free couple. Well weather got bad here on Wednesday afternoon, so that evening was spent with me praying the storms would miss the camp my girls were at and praying my storm chasing son would be safe while I was glued to the radar on the computer. Well, Wednesday didn’t work out like we had planned, we still had Thursday and Friday.
Nope, Thursday, my husband got sick and went to bed for most of the day. I decided to use this quiet time to let my brain go crazy. Needless to say, with three hours of quiet time, kids gone, my main purpose in life not yelling mom every five minutes, my brain took me on a path of negativity that was very difficult to navigate through. But I told myself, don’t worry, we still have Friday to be a fun-loving couple with no kids.
Once again NOPE. We did get out of the house, went shopping for the few things we needed and went out to an early lunch. As we were standing in line waiting to be seated I see this old little man with a walker and his wife. She was taking care of him and helping him walk and I looked at my husband and said “this is what we have to look forward to when the kids are gone and we are old?” Of course being my sweet husband he said no, he would use a wheel chair. So we are eating and he still isn’t feeling real well. Yes my brain takes me back on the path of what kind of life are we going to have once the nest is empty? Please God don’t let me and my husband get to the point we can’t even enjoy a few days a week due to health issues.
We cut our day out short because he was just not feeling well at all and I was driving us home with the radio up loud. Just didn’t want to talk because it wasn’t going to be positive if I said anything. We pull in the drive way to our house and my phone goes bonkers. My son is calling me in a panic. My brother was rushed to the hospital, he is going to have open heart surgery and they don’t think he will survive the surgery. We rush over to the hospital and I see my sister-in-law, who is usually the rock in this family, in hysterics. She is a nurse, she knows what is going on and to see her falling a part, well let’s just say it was a crumbling moment for me.
I see my brother, find out when the surgery is going to be and decide it is time to take my sick hubby home. We stop by the camp site to tell the girls about their uncle and let them decide if they want to stay at camp or come home. They both quickly said their uncle was going to be fine, he is a fire fighter, surgery isn’t going to kill him, he is too strong. My hubby and I come home to find out some of my family members were having to take shelter in Oklahoma from the tornadoes.
So I finally break down and talk to my dear BFF in Australia and tell her, I can’t handle any more. I am at the end of my rope. She asked me, did you pray about it? I said of course I did. OVER AND OVER I have prayed about this. She then said, what are your hands doing? I was seriously wondering if she had smoked something strange but she went on with, what ever your hands are doing, that is where your head needs to be. We can’t project into the future and if our hands are twisting and sweating it is because we took what we gave God back from him.
So I think about what she said and leave at 4:30am to go be with my brother before his surgery. We had to leave before the surgery was over to be at camp for my daughters honors ceremony but it gave me a chance to let God keep my brother in his hands and I focused on keeping my head where my hands were. I am so happy to say my girls are back at home safe, my family in Oklahoma is safe with minimal damage to property and my brother made it through surgery and they expect him to make a full recovery after his triple by-pass surgery.
What I have learned, is God wants me to give it to him and let him keep it. I need to not focus on the future, I need to keep my head in the current minute and trust that no matter what happens I will be strong enough to handle it. I also learn through this, even if my husband ends up in a wheel chair or walker, I will be the most blessed wife ever to be there to take care of him, but you know what? I am going to keep my head where my hands are and love every single minute of my today. Tomorrow will be here and I will take care of it then, with prayer, God’s help and a whole lot of trust.